Medication Increase Helping and Daughter Update

I think the increase from 30-40mg of Viibryd two weeks ago is helping me cope better with stress. I seem to still feel the stress and the anger and sadness but I don’t feel the need to act on it in negative ways anymore.

I am able to handle it calmly and with purpose and deliberate actions, like setting boundaries and practicing breathing meditation or simply not engaging.  I have not been perfect by any means. Passive aggressiveness has occurred. Some crying over little things. But, overall some good changes. 

My daughter’s depression has let up these last few weeks. We think because the weather has gotten warmer. She really is affected by it. Four weeks of depression from cold dreary winter days.  And now two weeks of mild weather and all better. Amazing!

We have a house full of overnight guests and she is not doing well. Her anxiety is high and it is hard for me to handle, because my own is elevated.

So, dealing with her tears and her wanting to leave the house, which I won’t let her do because I think it’s rude to go out with friends when we have company, while dealing with all the stimuli of the company myself, is pushing me to my limits.

I’m not taking it out on her by using everything I’ve got in me. I didn’t take an anti-anxiety pill tonight. I definitely will tomorrow. I know it will help.  I wish she could take one, too, but they don’t prescribe them for kids. 

Depression Updates

Good news:since beginning the 4mg of tizanidine every night at the start of November, I’ve had only 2 migraines and one serious tension headache. This is great considering I haven’t had less than five migraines in one month since August of 2015!

I’m still getting teary-eyed pretty often. I tried to go to church and it was so crowded that I panicked and almost cried. It was awful. 

Sometimes I’ll just be sitting on the couch not feeling well and just start crying for no apparent reason other than I feel sad.

I’m overwhelmed by all of these little unfinished projects hanging over my head that have to do with Christmas decorating and presents mostly, plus a home improvement project I need to finish.

I have friends coming over this week and I am consciously making an effort to not drive myself crazy by being perfectionistic about the decorations, house cleaning, and food.  It is going to be a challenge.

I feel like I need to make a list of things NOT to do instead of a list of things to do, like 1) Leave the clutter on the counter 2) Don’t worry about putting Christmas decorations in the bathroom 3) Skip giving the dogs a bath, for starters.

My daughter has been using the light box for four or five days now.  I hope it is helping her. She hasn’t been curled up in bed anymore so I feel hopeful, and will check in with her soon for an update. 

Seasonal Depression is Back

adult-1850094_640-1

I walked into my daughter’s bedroom last night to ask her a question.  The lights were off and I found her wrapped cocoon-like in a thick blanket, head covered except for her face, lying on her side in the fetal position.  “Are you ok?” I asked.  “I’m fine,” she answered.  Yeah, right! I thought.

Long story, short, I came to find out that she’s been having suicidal thoughts for about a week now.  Her depression is back.  😦  Things in her life are going well, not like last year at this time when she lost all of her friends and she was at her old high school, which caused her extreme amounts of anxiety.  Right now, she has great friends and teachers, and she is in a wonderful school environment.  She said everything is good in all those areas.

It is the weather.  I know it is.  It just turned cold here about a week or two ago.  The days are dreary and sometimes rainy.  There is always a chill in the air, if not downright freezing.  I’ve been feeling it bring down my mood, too, as I wrote yesterday.  Even my husband said it is negatively affecting his mood.

She doesn’t have a plan, so I don’t think she is in immediate danger.  The thing that sucks is that we are in between psychiatrists right now, and aren’t set to see the new one until January.  I am going to call today to see if we can get in sooner than that.

In the meantime, I got out my light box for her to use.  I used it for a few years when my depression got really bad, but I haven’t needed it in quite a while, thankfully.  I am hoping it helps her get by until we see the new doctor; that it keeps her symptoms from getting worse, or even better, that it makes her depression go away.

Us adults know how hard it is to deal with these mental illness symptoms.  I can’t imagine how horrible it is for a 15-year-old to manage them.  Please pray for her if you are so inclined.

Also, I am wondering how many people out there deal with seasonal depression like we do and how you cope with it?