One Less Thing

I had a great report from the kidney doctor yesterday.  My creatinine went from 1.42 to 1.19; my GFR went from 41 to 56, which bumped me up from stage 3 to stage 2. He said the kidney disease was NOT progressive, and as long as I stay away from Alleve, Ibuprofen, and contrast dyes no further damage should occur outside of the normal aging process, because I have no active risk factors. 

I am estactic. Beyond relieved. One less thing to worry about and deal with. Now, just back to my normal crap with the mental illnesses and migraines. 

The migraines, ugh! , have increased this month, I guess due to the decreased propranolol. I am still having dizzy spells even though my blood pressure went up ten points since being on the lower dose of 80mg. BP was 110/80 yesterday instead of 100/70.

I drank a Mountain Dew with my Imitrex this week and had minimal side effects from the medicine. It was incredible!  I’m hoping it wasn’t a fluke.  I know caffeine helps because I’ve tried coffee before, but this was amazing. 

My daughter is struggling again. Anger, irritability, decreased motivation, not wanting to go to school. She refuses to use the light box even though I think it helped before. She thinks it is stupid and doesn’t do anything. She’s being a closed-minded teenager.

I think if we can just get through the rest of the cold, dreary winter days she will be better. In the meantime, it may be rough around here.

She sees the new psychiatrist in a few weeks, who we just told this month that she was doing so well. How quickly things can change!  She’s been acting like this for going on 2 weeks now, so I don’t think it’s like a PMS thing or anything.

I was thinking about how my anxiety has been better lately. I think. I mean I worry about stuff and I have panic attacks here and there, but I don’t feel like I am suffering all of the time because of it.

Everytime I start to get anxious it is usually about our busy schedule and how many things I have to do outside of the house in the week ahead. When that happens, I try to put it out of my mind and just think about today only.  This helps a lot. 

It helps to write all of this out, too. I’m just in a really good place because of my doctor’s visit yesterday. Hoping it lasts. 

The Next Step

It’s been a busy last two weeks getting ready for Christmas, and now it is over. I feel the let down already. Is the usual winter depression on its way?  We shall see.

Right now, I’m thinking too keenly about what is coming up next: my first appointment with a kidney specialist.  I don’t know where this is going or what I am going to find out. I don’t know what I have or how bad it is. I really don’t want to go. I want to forget about knowing there is something wrong with my kidneys. I want everything to be alright again.

I never remember feeling this way about mental illness. It seems like there has always been something wrong with me emotionally and mentally.  But, I do remember being scared with each new mental illness diagnosis I got (major depressive disorder, alcoholism, bipolar disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder.)

I remember thinking the same things I am thinking now: I don’t know where this is going, what I am going to find out or how bad it is.

With all those diagnoses, I have made it through those questions, and now manage my illnesses fairly well.  So, this gives me hope that once I have the information I need to manage whatever is wrong with my kidneys, all will be well with that, too.