Went back up to my regular dose of resperidal just a few day after cutting it down because I wasn’t sleeping well since cutting it down. I think I’m titrated back up to my full dose of topamax again, but I’m still having trouble sleeping at night. Falling asleep and sleeping sound.
I’ve also been more project oriented and socially focused, enjoying sex more frequently, have a renewed interest in my religion practices. Ha! Now that I wrote all that out I just realized I’m probably a little hypomanic.
This is why I write. I never would have put these symptoms together if I didn’t journal like this. Now, what to do about it? Nothing. I never do. My medication is such that my moods don’t go too far in one direction or another anymore. Just moderate fluctuations, which are bothersome, don’t get me wrong, but manageable, nonetheless.
Today, I feel run down. Meloncholy even. I DID get a good night’s sleep for once last night and it’s left me feeling groggy and lethargic and some what depressed. It doesn’t help that this is the third day my kids have been out of town with their grandparents and are still going to be gone for two more days. I miss them.
My youngest was just diagnosed with scoliosis and that is very worrisome. We will find out more as far as a plan goes when we go see the Ortho this week. I hate that she has to go through this. The curvatures are pretty bad in her spine.
The noisy kids in church, the heat outside, the bright sun and hot wind all really bothered me today. It feels like I can’t block out extraneous stimuli. My husband is going shopping to buy new items for our house and I want to go with him, but I can’t stand the thought of going out into the world with all of that input today.
I hate this disorder. All I want to do is lay in bed in my dark quiet room and rest. I can find peace in that. And even though I’d rather it not be that way, I have to honor my body and mind and what they can handle right now or I’ll just make myself sick. I know from experience. I used to force myself to do things I was too anxious to deal with and I regretted it later. Sick with migraines, fatigue, anger, resentment, panic attacks, etc.