One of the things I have trouble with when I am hypomanic is blurting things out without thinking about them. Like I’ll be at dinner with people I don’t know very well and I’ll say, “Ha, look at that guy sitting over there with his butt crack hanging out of his pants.” I mean, what am I in fifth grade? How immature can I be? How embarrassing can it get?
And opinions…don’t get me started on opinions. When I am hypomanic I can’t seem to keep my opinions to myself. I told my husband, about a particular situation tonight, that I wouldn’t put my two cents in unless the other parties involved brought the topic up first.
Well, we weren’t there barely ten minutes and I brought it up! Practically against my own will! I swear I didn’t want to. I heard the words coming out of my mouth as my brain was screaming at me, “Don’t say it! Don’t say it!” Do you know how maddening that is?
Then the follow up to all of these scenarios is being at home, replaying everything you said and did one million times over, again and again, in your mind; agonizing at the fact that you probably made a complete ass out of yourself even though your husband swears you didn’t and that everyone just thought you were “really funny.”
Even my younger kids get to see the craziness of hypo-me, laughing at inappropriate times or often uncontrollably at things that are a little bit funny, but not THAT funny. Or laughing at my own jokes way too hard.
I used to think these things were harmless. Now, I’m not so sure. I’m kind of sick of being odd.