Med Change

Six days ago my propranolol was decreased from 120mg to 80mg because I was experiencing dizziness a couple times a week in the evenings. The dizziness just started within the last month even though I’ve been on the increased dose of propranolol for 3 months now. Don’t know if it can start anytime or if it has anything to do with the progression of my CKD (chronic kidney disease) since Nephrologist asked me if I was dizzy at our visit.

Daughter sees her new psychiatrist today. I’m so nervous about it, hoping we like him; worried about my husband throwing a fit when they tried to cancel our appointment last week; worried about asking the doctor for a note for the dermatologist saying my daughter can take accutane. I’m having a lot of anxiety.

Spent all day Saturday with my husband buying a new car. Went to 4 dealerships, driving about 100 miles between them all. We were gone for 10 hours. I was so overwhelmed by the end that I cried on the way home. I needed to take a second Ativan, but I didn’t because I have to save them for volleyball tournaments this month and other things.

I have to ask my psychiatrist for more Ativan each month, but I’m afraid she’ll say no.  I have six days this week when I need to take one, but I only get seven a month, which means I’ll have to suffer through some days and only take one for the most severe anxiety producing events.

We are going out of town this weekend for a tournament. I’m looking forward to it because I love watching her play and it’s exciting to take trips, but packing stresses me out as does getting the house cleaned and ready for mom to stay here with my other daughter.  I worry about getting migraines because of lack of good sleep and down time when we stay out of town, too.

It’s terrible not to be able to enjoy these things totally, due to my illnesses; to always be worried about the effect they are going to have on me, mentally and physically.

Am I going to have a panic attack?  Am I going to get a migraine?  How bad is my anxiety and fatigue going to be?  How many days will it take me to recouperate once we get back?

Past experience tells me things will be rough, but it doesn’t keep me from going. I don’t know if I’m a glutton for punishment, in constant denial, or just refuse to let my symptoms completely dictate my life, especially when it comes to my children. 

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