Something is not right. I am obsessively working on projects. When I do that I am either becoming hypomanic or overly anxious. I sort of think I am dealing with a bit of hypomania because I can’t seem to keep my mind still and I feel like my cells are vibrating on some sort of low-level frequency. I’ve also been seeing the world in techno-color, and I mean full-on mega saturation and contrast, damn near HDR quality, which I’ve been blaming on too much photo editing time on the computer, but now I am thinking maybe not. Maybe hypomania is to blame. Weird because I have never experienced this visual symptom before. It is really freaky – almost like hallucinating.
I don’t like hypomania. It makes me feel edgy and uncomfortable, like having an itch that I can’t scratch. I want to nap, but I can’t. I want to relax my muscles, but I can’t. I think I will try some stretches. Maybe some meditation. It will be difficult since the end result will not be something tangible, something I can see, hold, touch, observe, like my photos, this blog post, the cookies I baked the other day, the new hairstyle I did yesterday, the pedicure I gave myself over the weekend, etc. etc. So project oriented…good ol’ hypomania.
Funny thing is that just the other day I was writing my last post worrying about becoming depressed because of my prolonged anxiety. It just goes to show you how unpredictable bipolar disorder really is, and how hellish it can be to have it.
On the up side, I know from experience these moods don’t last very long for me because I am what they call a rapid cycler. This hypomania may last a few days or a week or two at the most. What comes afterwards is anyone’s guess. I’m bummed about that.
I am tired but wired; being pulled in opposite directions; literally bipolar. Those of you who have it, too, please know you are not alone. I feel your pain.