Rapid Cycling Nightmare

It has been two weeks since I went from taking the extra 10mg of Viibryd every day to taking it every other day, because I became hypomanic when taking it every day.  Unfortunately, my depression has now returned: uncontrollable crying spells, suicidal ideation, paralyzing anxiety, hopelessness, and despair.

Fortunately, I have been able to force myself to take care of most of my responsibilities with the house and kids. However, the stress of doing these things is most likely making me sicker.

I feel like I have no choice but to go on doing what I am doing and resting when I can. Although, my decision making abilities are kind of messed up. I was up at 4am this morning, ready to nap at 2pm after a stressful day of running errands with the kids, but changed my mind about the nap because I felt guilty for husband picking up the slack, then skipped a school meeting tonight to stay home and rest, but instead did strenuous yard work in the 90 degree Fahrenheit heat.

I worked in the yard to distract myself from all my anxious thoughts. Getting my hands dirty, digging in the soil, planting bushes, cleaning up yard waste, and sweating it out until my whole body ached really felt good.

I highly recommend getting your mind and body totally engrossed in something creative when you are struggling, if you can; gardening, painting, coloring, sewing, yoga, walking, music, dancing, singing, or anything to get yourself completely in the present moment and out of your thoughts of the past or worries about the future.

So, I’ve decided to start taking the extra Viibryd every night again even though it made me hypomanic. This depression is too scary and painful. I just can’t risk spiralling down. Anyone who’s been there before knows the horrible fear of not being able to come back out of it once you go down that deep, dark hole.

I will talk to my doctor about what else we can do to combat the hypomania. I am amazed at how sensitive my system is to the slightest dosage changes in medication.

Quick update on my daughter: She told her doctor this week that her anxiety is much better. Praise God! I am so thrilled. It’s been such a battle for her. I am extremely happy she is finally experiencing some peace of mind.

She starts her new school next week and she is very excited. I hope it is a positive experience for her.

I ‘m hoping when all my kids go back to school next week, my downtime gives me the rest I need to stabilize my mood. I’ve been cycling all summer, and it’s wearing me out.

How’s your summer going?